Overall this is a minor update to fix a few minor things. We are still working on the bigger upgrades and newer things to beta test, so hold tight for all that. Of course we are still open to suggestions to make things better on the site suggestions page, admin contact info, and any questions about anything can be asked in the comments here or via admin email as well. It is our aim to be fair, open and transparent. Here’s to working on making this place better and better for everyone!

* edit – added info 18 hours after original post* – Most people are aware that we have also been adding to the chat room etiquette rules this week, Mainly clarifying some things there as well and adding to the definitions of things that were originally outlined in the terms of service. This puts some issues right on the page that people are sent to when kicked out of the sex chat rooms, so that can have a clearer understanding of some of the reasons that people will be kicked for. Thought I would mention that here as well for those who are interested.

One of our users was suggesting that we make a direct way to enter straight into the gangbang room, so I added that tonight, along with direct access links to the FFR and the new Russian sex chat room as well. Those direct enter options are all presented on the sex chat now page. This will save many people from auto-entering the lobby only to bounce to another room if people bookmark and use that page.

Another big change that went into effect tonight is the default setting for pms to be ignored / turned off by default. Now this may not affect everybody, most of the people that have been to the free text chat rooms will probably not get this setting changed, but for new users that have never been here and not had their settings “cached” – or if you come to the site from a different computer that you have not accessed the chat with, then your setting may be auto-set to having pms being turned off.

If you want to pm with people you will have to go into the settings gear near the top of the chat window and uncheck the option to ignore all pms – then save the settings. When people try to pm you it will just disappear – some of our regular users will notice that “You tell Sasha blah blah blah” does not appear when pming someone who has them set to auto-ignore – but some of our newer users may not notice the pm they type simply disappears and may assume that the pm was sent. I can see this frustrating some users, but if it frustrating the non-stop rude pms that group harass every girl who enters the room, then it may be just what the doctor ordered for helping to make the chat experience here better for women.

The really bad thing would be for someone to see someone they know come into the room and they type some long message and then have it disappear. Another bad thing would be for users to assume that their message went through and the other person never even knew one was sent. We’ll see, I think the good is going to outway the bad, but with all changes here at the site I never know how many people are going to love something and how many people will freak out about it. I heard a quote somewhere that was something like “All people hate change, All people want better” – I have certainly seen that around here over the years!

Either way, we may keep the new changes, and we may not – let’s give them some time and decide in a couple weeks perhaps. My fingers are crossed that all these things make the place better for everybody, er well, at least better for more people than it makes it worse! Pleasing most of the people most of the time is a lofty goal – I know I can not please all the people here all the time – lol!

Oh what else did I change tonight? I can’t think of it all right now, I do think that’s the main important stuff that people are likely to notice. There will be some more small code updates to keep the chat running strong with so many users, and more updates and changes to come next month as well!

It’s still a (much more to come) work in progress, but for now it’s a little cleaner, neater, and better explains the ways to upload pics there. It’s also much easier to use now that you can actually see the submit buttons! I moved some things around, and when going around the peeps section I found that there was another way to get to the quick upload page that I had not seen before, and I am guessing that other people had found that route, which may leave some people wondering where the actual gallery was – now that is explained on that page – so people should have an easier time finding not just the upload form, but also the gallery where the pics show up.

I styled some of the instructions a bit more, and laid out some other expansions that may be on their way before the new year. Anyhow, there is much more to come for the peeps section, but thought I mention the minor changes now in case anyone sees it looking like a different site or something (more to combined the overall looks and such in the future as well) – but for right now I need to get on the other updates for the other sections of the site – so chat with ya’ll later.

If this has affected you and you were not spamming or flooding in a bad way – sorry, I will try to re program this to have more leniency. Unfortunately the past few weeks we have had some really annoying and verging on the abusive assholes coming into the room and flooding with non sense and this is just one more way to force them out.

I will keep an eye on things the next couple of days and we need to weigh whether or not the current setup keeping the annoying flooders at bay is worth the annoyance of not being able to talk and sex chat like we all would normally. Here’s to another surprise test!

Of course comments and feedback are welcome here, or via email and suggestions are always considered on the suggestions page as well. Thanks for hanging in while we test some new parameters.

The new direct enter pages can be found on our free sex chat now page.

We are still working on adding more options for people to enjoy our free sex chat rooms as well, so keep those suggestions coming. We are working on some new tweaks for the other pages of the site, and considering adding direct entry for some of our other rooms as well. There are a few more goodies coming soon as well – we are moving forward with some of our long anticipated additions! Coming soon!

The new lesbian sex chat room direct enter page.

The new gay / bisexual men sex chat room direct enter page.

The challenge:

Take a new approach with the newbs  (newbies, noobs, new users) and the rude people.

First off, please realize that newer users of the chat room come from many different places around the world. Every different culture and sub culture has different ways of expressing themselves. Different cultures tend to repress different things as well, and I have learned “The which is repressed, tends to come out in unhealthy ways” – now that’s not always true, sometimes people choose to create art and things, but I have seen that when you give people a place or time or other excuse such as alcohol turning off the higher thinking parts of the brain, that repressed things may be expressed in ways which would normally not be said or done say on the street of your local town.  So what does this have to do with the chat room, the regs, and taking a new approach with newbs?

Well you see, everyone who comes to the sex chat site has a different idea of what the place is about. I think most people expect to come into the chat room and see a non stop orgy or text sex going, other people have different preconceived notions of how everyone will act. People generally feel a sense of anonymity and fantasy doing things on the internet. For most people typing a few things online, especially when in a chat room under a fictitious name, is just some random “who cares fantasy”, there is no accountability for what they type. Now I know that most of regs have a different feel when using the chat room.

Most of us have a kind of reputation here, and tend to censor our selves a bit. We also know that doing stuff online, and in this chat room, that it is not completely anonymous (unless using proxies, or tors and such – that’s a whole ‘nother post) – but most of the newer users are coming into this with a completely different mindset. If you think back, I am guessing that we all can relate a bit, I am sure that many of the regs have changed their demeanor, and sometimes their names and everything after spending a few weeks in the chat room. If we handle the new users differently, and give them the chance to adjust, I am sure that 99% of them will change to.

Most of these changes are good, but I have seen some times over the years when a group reg mentality has gone bad. I have seen times when people will take advantage of their “reg” status and having friends in the chat room.  This has been seen in small doses lately, it hasn’t been as bad as it was  long time ago when some not-to-named-mods joined in the fray and encouraged / kicked when this behavior occurred – but the way some regs are being permitted to or encouraged to act is starting down that slope.

I have seen some very simple user requests go from being slightly crude, to another reg chastising them, and then another user jumping in which led to the first user firing back all kinds of things, and our regs just poking and prodding, non-stop trying to get the new user to become threatening so they would be kicked out. We are not going back to those days of pushing users to fight knowing that they will be kicked. The days of the “countdown” and “[screename] opens the door.. bye such and such] are over.

Remember, we are dealing with different cultures, different languages (even when it’s American English vs British English vs Australian), and different mind sets. These new users need some learning time. Yes, they should all read the rules, yes they should of all been taught manners and use them in our chat room. Yes they should know better than to pm every girl with the cock and pussy emoticon trying to get quick cyber sex, but they have not learned yet. It takes time, and it takes some guidance from us as users of the chat room. I have spent a lot of time discussing and posting stuff about this with the moderators, and I am working on a video to be on the chat room page that will explain much of the main information as well. However all of this will be moot if our regs start attacking the newbs and backing them into a defensive corner.

Messages like

“If you could spell and write I might talk to you, but obviously you are not smart enough to have a conversation with me”

“No thanks [screename] pmer, I do not want your little cock in my cunt, you are an asshole for pming me without asking first”

and stuff like that – not only does it put people on the defensive, but it is public humiliation that really causes an emotional reaction. Now take that emotional attack, add to it the perceived anonymity since they are in a chat room on the internet,  add some beer goggles, and the fact that they could not really have their ass kicked like if they were in a bar,  and what do you expect to happen? You know what happens, and yet some of you continue to be the gasoline that starts the fire. Now you can blame the guy (or girl, or TS or whatever) that made initial insult, but at this point I am really putting the blame almost entirely on the regs that throw the gasoline on the situation.

Sure the newb that threw the match into the fray might be at fault, but the person who starts the public humiliation is adding the fuel for the fire. The other regs who jump in and defend their friend with more insults onto the original match thrower are just making the fireball bigger, and when someone who already has hormones raging gets so many things thrown at them, we all know what happens. It turns into a flame war. You all have the power to stop the flame the war – the iggy / block user button is enabled for all the use.

I would also like to suggest not only do you have the power to stop the flam wars, but you have the power to totally change the reactions of the annoying new users. I am not saying you have to, but I am pretty sure each and every one of you could take the time to give some tips in a constructive way to help the newbs learn how to be better received in the chat room. Certainly there will be some people who are just immediately so far over the top that it it doesn’t make sense to waste your time, but a percentage of these people who end up fighting in the chat room and ruining it for many people could be turned into well rounded chatizens by offering a few suggestions for being better received. We are not reflecting this in the moderator statements more than ever. You can do the same, or you can iggy, or can fan the flames and add fuel to the fire. For all of the complaints that I see from the uses about the idiots, I say look in the mirror, some of you are creating the fireball, and at least subconsciously you know it.

We tend to take things for granted sometimes as regular users. We know the rules, we know the etiquette, we even has “secret terms” like “thingy”. Maybe some of you do not want other people to join the club, maybe some of you do not want the competition of having more guys in the mix, maybe it’s a subconscious thing. Maybe it’s a reaction of wanting to protect and defend the girls in the pack, maybe you think it makes you look tough and coming off as a protector so you have a better chance at scoring with the ladies. Maybe some of these things, or other issues are not on your conscious mind at all – maybe you are a spelling nazi, I don’t know, it may be different for everyone. Maybe you have just seen other users come off this way and think that is how it’s done.

Whatever the reason(s) are, I am asking that everyone take a step back and consider that first off the conversation may be mis-understood. I know, I have been there. I came into the room one day and saw people saying something like “fuck you chris” and was like whoa, wtf – Chris is a good person, by are people openly hating like that? Then a few minutes later I see that it was all sarcastic, and it’s was a term of jest and endearment. There are other examples, like the different ways that people use the word bitch, and the different ways that people take that term. I have seen people chastise a user for coming off forceful and what could be taken as demeaning to a user, and publicly harping on the guy – funny thing is, 10 minutes that girl and guy were in the bdsm chat room and playing like that for some time, the girl in question actually enjoyed that type of discussion style – many actually do. Which takes me to that learning thing – some users are not going to be received well when they make some controversial statements, but instead of coming off with all kinds of rude comments, how about simply letting them know that other people may enjoy that style of chat, but you don’t and perhaps they would be better received in a different room, or chatting with a different person.

It’s going to take time for the new users to learn the rules and how the chat system works. I have seen many frustrated mods (and users) thinking that they were being blatantly ignored, only to find out that the new user was so swamped with pms, they had no idea what was going on, they couldn’t keep up, and did not even know that a mod was talking to them, or what a mod was. This is the reason that I not only explain to users that they are perhaps breaking an etiquette rule for the lobby, but that there are other options for engaging in that type of conversation, such as doing it in a different room, and how to switch rooms. Certainly there are going to be a few users you just blatantly just break the rules, but many of them can be taught how to use the system to find ways to connect with others who appreciate (or least do not find offense to) the type of talk they are engaging in.

We all have different things that we like and do not like, some of us are going to find serious offense to some things that others are going to shrug off. Some of us are not going to understand terms that other people use in different sub cultures. Terms like slag, fag, and stuff like that mean different things to different people. Some of us are really frustrated by users who do not speak and spell perfect English, and some people are going to quietly sit back and not tell you that you are being an asshole for hounding someone else about it.

At this point, I am saying that the regs have choices. You now have a challenge. I am sure that some of you saw the kicks I made tonight regarding a reg fanning the drama flames with a newbie, and I almost started kicking the other users who were jumping in, but I did not have enough time to warn them too before I had to logout. The policy of kicking users for continuing a fight is going to be enforced more, and it applies to the regs as much as it applies to the newbs. The choice is yours, I hope from now on we will choose to agree to disagree and move on. Use the block button, and make the chat room a better experience for all involved, new and regs alike. With such a small screen space there is no need to fill it up with drama. By making this post I am not trying to stir the drama pot, I am trying to help everyone understand things from various angles. We had some discussion about why we do not just kick the rude users on the suggestions page over here.

I hope this makes sense, I was interrupted 7 times while writing this post, and I am on my second dose of nyquil today, so I may have missed some things, and this post may need some editing, but after the bit of drama I saw earlier tonight, and the kicks that went along with it, I felt I should try to get us at least closer to the same page. Now imagine if we got just 10 of these newbs to get on this level, and they taught 10 more how to act right on our site, and they taught ten more. You could always setup a fighting/drama room if that’s what you really want, if it’s not want you want, then prove it.

( images found at despair.com )

If you type:

:O

into the chat room and see the smiley with sunglasses, then you have the old emoticon set.

We added gangbang room and minutes later it is already very popular.

These changes come from user suggestions, we appreciate it!

I am also not sure how the graphics will look once they actually appear in the chat room, and I am not sure how they are going to look on your monitor, with your browser and all that. So we might have to go in and make some more changes, but hopefully this set is better than the previous ones!

We brought back fascat’s coffee and the purple lips thanks to kinks’ ( and others’) suggestions.

Again, with this smileys update, we are going to have serious problems with some users having the new icon set and some users having the old set – so again we will all be having some problems with one user typing one thing and the user on the other screen seeing something else! Sorry folks – hopefully some of the suggestions from before when we had this issue last time will help. Hopefully this will not be a problem for more than a day or so!