Challenge for the Regs

So I’ve been thinking about posting this challenge to the regs for a long time. It’s a collection of a few random thoughts, and this may be updated, but it’s long over due, so getting some of this out is better than never getting it done for you all. So here it goes.

The challenge:


Take a new approach with the newbs  (newbies, noobs, new users) and the rude people.

First off, please realize that newer users of the chat room come from many different places around the world. Every different culture and sub culture has different ways of expressing themselves. Different cultures tend to repress different things as well, and I have learned “The which is repressed, tends to come out in unhealthy ways” – now that’s not always true, sometimes people choose to create art and things, but I have seen that when you give people a place or time or other excuse such as alcohol turning off the higher thinking parts of the brain, that repressed things may be expressed in ways which would normally not be said or done say on the street of your local town.  So what does this have to do with the chat room, the regs, and taking a new approach with newbs?

Well you see, everyone who comes to the sex chat site has a different idea of what the place is about. I think most people expect to come into the chat room and see a non stop orgy or text sex going, other people have different preconceived notions of how everyone will act. People generally feel a sense of anonymity and fantasy doing things on the internet. For most people typing a few things online, especially when in a chat room under a fictitious name, is just some random “who cares fantasy”, there is no accountability for what they type. Now I know that most of regs have a different feel when using the chat room.


Most of us have a kind of reputation here, and tend to censor our selves a bit. We also know that doing stuff online, and in this chat room, that it is not completely anonymous (unless using proxies, or tors and such – that’s a whole ‘nother post) – but most of the newer users are coming into this with a completely different mindset. If you think back, I am guessing that we all can relate a bit, I am sure that many of the regs have changed their demeanor, and sometimes their names and everything after spending a few weeks in the chat room. If we handle the new users differently, and give them the chance to adjust, I am sure that 99% of them will change to.

Most of these changes are good, but I have seen some times over the years when a group reg mentality has gone bad. I have seen times when people will take advantage of their “reg” status and having friends in the chat room.  This has been seen in small doses lately, it hasn’t been as bad as it was  long time ago when some not-to-named-mods joined in the fray and encouraged / kicked when this behavior occurred – but the way some regs are being permitted to or encouraged to act is starting down that slope.

I have seen some very simple user requests go from being slightly crude, to another reg chastising them, and then another user jumping in which led to the first user firing back all kinds of things, and our regs just poking and prodding, non-stop trying to get the new user to become threatening so they would be kicked out. We are not going back to those days of pushing users to fight knowing that they will be kicked. The days of the “countdown” and “[screename] opens the door.. bye such and such] are over.


Remember, we are dealing with different cultures, different languages (even when it’s American English vs British English vs Australian), and different mind sets. These new users need some learning time. Yes, they should all read the rules, yes they should of all been taught manners and use them in our chat room. Yes they should know better than to pm every girl with the cock and pussy emoticon trying to get quick cyber sex, but they have not learned yet. It takes time, and it takes some guidance from us as users of the chat room. I have spent a lot of time discussing and posting stuff about this with the moderators, and I am working on a video to be on the chat room page that will explain much of the main information as well. However all of this will be moot if our regs start attacking the newbs and backing them into a defensive corner.

Messages like

“If you could spell and write I might talk to you, but obviously you are not smart enough to have a conversation with me”

“No thanks [screename] pmer, I do not want your little cock in my cunt, you are an asshole for pming me without asking first”

and stuff like that – not only does it put people on the defensive, but it is public humiliation that really causes an emotional reaction. Now take that emotional attack, add to it the perceived anonymity since they are in a chat room on the internet,  add some beer goggles, and the fact that they could not really have their ass kicked like if they were in a bar,  and what do you expect to happen? You know what happens, and yet some of you continue to be the gasoline that starts the fire. Now you can blame the guy (or girl, or TS or whatever) that made initial insult, but at this point I am really putting the blame almost entirely on the regs that throw the gasoline on the situation.

Sure the newb that threw the match into the fray might be at fault, but the person who starts the public humiliation is adding the fuel for the fire. The other regs who jump in and defend their friend with more insults onto the original match thrower are just making the fireball bigger, and when someone who already has hormones raging gets so many things thrown at them, we all know what happens. It turns into a flame war. You all have the power to stop the flame the war – the iggy / block user button is enabled for all the use.

I would also like to suggest not only do you have the power to stop the flam wars, but you have the power to totally change the reactions of the annoying new users. I am not saying you have to, but I am pretty sure each and every one of you could take the time to give some tips in a constructive way to help the newbs learn how to be better received in the chat room. Certainly there will be some people who are just immediately so far over the top that it it doesn’t make sense to waste your time, but a percentage of these people who end up fighting in the chat room and ruining it for many people could be turned into well rounded chatizens by offering a few suggestions for being better received. We are not reflecting this in the moderator statements more than ever. You can do the same, or you can iggy, or can fan the flames and add fuel to the fire. For all of the complaints that I see from the uses about the idiots, I say look in the mirror, some of you are creating the fireball, and at least subconsciously you know it.

We tend to take things for granted sometimes as regular users. We know the rules, we know the etiquette, we even has “secret terms” like “thingy”. Maybe some of you do not want other people to join the club, maybe some of you do not want the competition of having more guys in the mix, maybe it’s a subconscious thing. Maybe it’s a reaction of wanting to protect and defend the girls in the pack, maybe you think it makes you look tough and coming off as a protector so you have a better chance at scoring with the ladies. Maybe some of these things, or other issues are not on your conscious mind at all – maybe you are a spelling nazi, I don’t know, it may be different for everyone. Maybe you have just seen other users come off this way and think that is how it’s done.

sex-chat-challenge-TraditionWhatever the reason(s) are, I am asking that everyone take a step back and consider that first off the conversation may be mis-understood. I know, I have been there. I came into the room one day and saw people saying something like “fuck you chris” and was like whoa, wtf – Chris is a good person, by are people openly hating like that? Then a few minutes later I see that it was all sarcastic, and it’s was a term of jest and endearment. There are other examples, like the different ways that people use the word bitch, and the different ways that people take that term. I have seen people chastise a user for coming off forceful and what could be taken as demeaning to a user, and publicly harping on the guy – funny thing is, 10 minutes that girl and guy were in the bdsm chat room and playing like that for some time, the girl in question actually enjoyed that type of discussion style – many actually do. Which takes me to that learning thing – some users are not going to be received well when they make some controversial statements, but instead of coming off with all kinds of rude comments, how about simply letting them know that other people may enjoy that style of chat, but you don’t and perhaps they would be better received in a different room, or chatting with a different person.

It’s going to take time for the new users to learn the rules and how the chat system works. I have seen many frustrated mods (and users) thinking that they were being blatantly ignored, only to find out that the new user was so swamped with pms, they had no idea what was going on, they couldn’t keep up, and did not even know that a mod was talking to them, or what a mod was. This is the reason that I not only explain to users that they are perhaps breaking an etiquette rule for the lobby, but that there are other options for engaging in that type of conversation, such as doing it in a different room, and how to switch rooms. Certainly there are going to be a few users you just blatantly just break the rules, but many of them can be taught how to use the system to find ways to connect with others who appreciate (or least do not find offense to) the type of talk they are engaging in.

We all have different things that we like and do not like, some of us are going to find serious offense to some things that others are going to shrug off. Some of us are not going to understand terms that other people use in different sub cultures. Terms like slag, fag, and stuff like that mean different things to different people. Some of us are really frustrated by users who do not speak and spell perfect English, and some people are going to quietly sit back and not tell you that you are being an asshole for hounding someone else about it.

At this point, I am saying that the regs have choices. You now have a challenge. I am sure that some of you saw the kicks I made tonight regarding a reg fanning the drama flames with a newbie, and I almost started kicking the other users who were jumping in, but I did not have enough time to warn them too before I had to logout. The policy of kicking users for continuing a fight is going to be enforced more, and it applies to the regs as much as it applies to the newbs. The choice is yours, I hope from now on we will choose to agree to disagree and move on. Use the block button, and make the chat room a better experience for all involved, new and regs alike. With such a small screen space there is no need to fill it up with drama. By making this post I am not trying to stir the drama pot, I am trying to help everyone understand things from various angles. We had some discussion about why we do not just kick the rude users on the suggestions page over here.

I hope this makes sense, I was interrupted 7 times while writing this post, and I am on my second dose of nyquil today, so I may have missed some things, and this post may need some editing, but after the bit of drama I saw earlier tonight, and the kicks that went along with it, I felt I should try to get us at least closer to the same page. Now imagine if we got just 10 of these newbs to get on this level, and they taught 10 more how to act right on our site, and they taught ten more. You could always setup a fighting/drama room if that’s what you really want, if it’s not want you want, then prove it.

( images found at )

32 thoughts on “Challenge for the Regs”

  1. Hello Nashty,

    This site has changed my life.

    I am not sure if i have ever formally told you , But I initially came on here for research.

    I met so many people from all walks of life.

    I am not shy and a trained interviewer. I made many many long lasting friends. but i can honestly say that there is a marked difference from today to when i logged on for the first time… soon after which …. i met K, Fng, Blondie, Kristoffer, AG, Matt, Riff, Lickmy(f), Tangerine, Firefighter35 and the all the names on this list and many many more quality individuals from all around the world.
    Our joke in our room was … that not that much sexting was ever going on. Cos we all were more interested in catching up.

    My world got a little bit nicer the day I became hooked on this site… and it was for the Friends I made. ( misses K)…And Friends they will always be.

    So for that Nashty… Thank you
    XX Jezebel

  2. I won’t go into detail but I personally lost my cool once over this same issue. You have said it all and I hope that most of us will try our best to implement this guidance because I’m sure using this scheme will make sexchat a very lovely place to be in. I personally think that if people have their private chats open and cannot stand private messages from people who are not regulars, then they shouldn’t be there. The ability to block such people or turn off our PM’s is a huge luxury to me as I can decide who I would love to or not want to interact with. Ever since I’ve become more accepting of the newbies, I’ve made some friends that might have gone over my head in previous situations. Like you said, most of us regulars get carried away with socializing that we forget the “SEX” in sexchat and this creates an atmosphere that makes some non-regular users not only befuddled, but also belligerent. Thanks for taking the time to go through this.

    FF 🙂

  3. Sorry Nashty,but Cali surely does have a point.Sadly,yes.

    Some people come in here just to vent out their anger onto others,just coz their life isnt goin the way they planned,so “why not take it all on some random internet user” is their thought.People like these cant be taught some behaviour.But,I will try my best to put a limit on my temper & be nice to them as long as I can because things sometimes turn out pretty bad when you try to be calm & sober.

    Tell me one thing Nashty,if I have patience to hear whatever shit a person tells about me & I stay calm after all the abuses & slangs & all and after that the same person hurts a friend of mine who is a great person and after that my friend is seriously hurt & he/she quits the room & the site because of that,what shall I do about the person who caused all that? I cant be simply good & sober to him/her anymore.We can forgive people who treat us bad,but we can not forgive those who hurt our friends especially those friends who dont reply with abuses/slangs/harsh behaviour.Sometimes being an extremist(too strong a word,I couldn’t find a more sober one) has it’s own reasons,like bad experiences or silent nature towards abuses.

    Anyways,I know you know all this,much more than me & you are considering these events too,so,I’ll just wait to see if their’s a middle way out,without hurting anyone.


    1. I believe that if you can show your friends how to use the block iggy button, and they all use it – then the problem will be solved quickly and completely.

      Tell your friends something like:
      the block / iggy button – you click on a name in the right hand pane, the participants list, then click “block user” – and poof! they are gone 🙂

      Could you imagine how awesome this would be in real life? I mean, when girls are in a club / bar and some annoying rude and crude asshole starts talking to them, and then turn away or give him the “talk to the hand” gesture – some guys walk away, but some guys will continue hounding the girls. Imagine if a group of girls has this magic little remote control, and the entire group all clicked one button and that annoying rude guy was instantly silenced 100%.

      Of course you need all the girls in the group to use it – some of your friends may need to know just how it’s done.

      In real life you could try the face that Janna Marbles talks about! ( ) (LOL) – and if that doesn’t work for you, then there is ( ) – luckily we have much more powerful tools here in the sex chat room, we just need everyone to know how to use them, and actually use them as a group.

      Now PLEASE – let’s not take this to the point where people do some kind of mean iggy sniping! A while back we had some issues with people taking the iggy thing as a way to continue drama – they would say something really mean in the lobby – click iggy – then start bragging about people had been put on iggy. This is counter productive, and we ended up having to start creating rules for people using the iggy feature as a way to taunt and demean others – and now people can be kicked for that as well.

  4. Nashtyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,

    Sowwy,I am used to yell my friends names when I meet them,lol,jus coz of excitement & happiness.I usually dont read blogs as they are too long & I am to lazy.But,this time I took some time & started reading this blog.I must say,you have a big heart Nashty & I mean it.I have never seen a site owner & the mods so helpful,lovely & caring.Being a girl is not an easy thing,you know.Being harassed in public by unknown users can be pretty tough for a girl too.So,I have been ignoring such comments in first weeks of mine in SC.But then the comments were more disturbing & they grew like that over weeks.It’s no one’s fault.It’s natural.But your site has taught me one thing and that is Patience,something that is of great value to anyone’s life.
    Now,all I can do is THANK YOU for creating such a wonderful site & such wonderful people.I am addicted to SC and it’s people now,lol.Thanks for the challenge.I have been here for almost four-five months,as I dont remember when I came in for the first time,lol,I blame it on you people.You guys make me feel as if I have known you all for years.After reading your challenge,I smiled & am more concerned about the Kick button.Like you said,the newbies must be given a chance to change their behaviour(if they are rude or annoying to some/other users).I loved the fact that you treat all the newbies & regs equally.Being an Indian at heart,I value these qualities of yours a lot.And I am sorry for the Indian users that flood the rooms,spam it, PM without permissions & all.They just sometimes make me feel ashamed of being one of their fellow country-woman.But,I’ll take your challenge & have patience & treat them with a bit more sweetly.But if things go beyond control,like they keep misbehaving & annoying others,be it newbies or regs,I’ll just use the Block button. 🙂
    Being a mod or a site owner was never ever an easy task,but you have succeeded in your task & you have tonnes of people in SC,who are thankful to you,including me.If it wasnt for you & your site,I wouldn’t have made such amazing friends.So,Steve,THANK YOU. After being so long on the site,I am writing it for the first time,lol.And,from now on I will be reading the posts & reply them as well.
    God bless you,Steve.
    Take care.

    1. Thanks for this, it’s so nice to hear the positive things once in a while! I deal with so much of the drama and spammers that I rarely see or hear the good stuff! Much appreciated!

  5. Hey Nash,
    i really appreciate this effort. Have been here for over a month now, and my memories as a newb are fresh. As i read through i did realise i do some of the things and will make an effort to be more careful. thank you.

  6. Thank you very much for your site. It is a great help in my learning English language. It is amazing to listen to voices of live people. They are rude sometimes but they are still alive. Believe me the rude alive man is much better than nothing. I am one still alive from family of nine. Your chat about good manners is a great help to everyone who want to be teached. It is chat about good manners not only on your site. It is chat about good manners in any society. I rewrote all in my notebooks. I am a new user. I hope I may fit in your site. Now I only learning about site. Your mod complaint page have so funny places. Thank you very much again. Good bye.

  7. I would def agree with most of the posts here MI just like I put my input in the chat tonight for the reg’s in tonight chat. Earlier When you left there was this guy named cam cock was saying bad things to AZUL. I didn’t let that fly on my time I told him to knock it off and stop being disrespectfully to the ladies here… That is what I seem to be an issue is people DON’T KNOW WHEN TO STOP and then keep fueling the fire if you will I wish there was a way to tell make this stop because it will be better for the room

    Much love Jake..
    By the way nice to meet you MI tonight 🙂
    your going to see more of me

  8. ℰdwardℜocky

    Being a reg now, You are Absolutely right, I’ve suffered such kinda thing when i was new here, but mostly the Regs who come to talk here are cool, they warn, tell those noobs to behave, when they dont, we get mad at them, but thats natural, Some people just come to curse around and Harass Others, Thats not good, yeah you have a gud challenge put up for us, but we already face it all the time while chatting up!, The Desi People wont go to their rooms, some people will talk in Foreign Langs. And More over Abuse us. (gud for me i know some foreign langs.) But tats purely true, one Apple rotten will surely spoil the whole bucket of other cute ones 🙂

    Well what to say, you just cant control it, and tats why its a challenge, just like life is?

    Gud work Steve.
    – ℰdwardℜocky

  9. Ok… so I did TRY shutting up.

    There’s just some things I want to say in response to the Reg Challenge… Block me now if you find me boring.

    Firstly, thanks Mr NashVegas for your post and opening this topic up for discussion. Although I don’t agree with many of your thoughts, they are much appreciated, and I have considered my response to them with all due respect. And although I know what follows is only my experience, I talk to enough people to know I am not the only one who feels this way.

    I am not accepting The Reg Challenge. I don’t believe that Regs should be held accountable for ‘flaming’ cos we ‘know better’. I think that, bottom line, this is almost reverse discrimination, and at the best some kind of bizarre online-nanny-state… You say this is a challenge, but we can be kicked for not doing the things we are ‘challenged’ to do, like blocking fucktards.
    There are ways of dealing with dickheads while having fun, without public shaming or blocking, and as far as I can see this is part of THEIR ‘learning curve’. For example if i have a shitty PMer in my box telling me Jesus will cut off my breasts and feed them to my mother, then I will certainly tell them to cut it up small cos Mum has no teeth… (or whatever). This doesnt offend or upset me. I think it’s funny. So not only is it my right, but if I have something entertaining to respond, I will…and yes, even if it is just entertaining to me. Comedy is hit n miss. That said, I do and always have referred to them as ‘PM-er’ so as to NOT publicly humiliate them by name. But they can get fucked… and if that’s immature, sue me.

    Ok, next point. And here we agree… and then don’t.

    I am sure that many of the regs have changed their demeanor, and sometimes their names and everything after spending a few weeks in the chat room. If we handle the new users differently, and give them the chance to adjust, I am sure that 99% of them will change to.
    I agree, many have gone and come back with new identities and generally an improved attitude after learning the intricacies of the room… the unwritten rules, the social structures that exist cos they have to in order for the room to stand. And that seems to have actually worked well. When n00bs realise THEY are the one’s who have to fit into the established order of the room. There are so many unseen bonds and attachments forged here. Relationships are interwoven and complicated. Incredibley enough, people actually play with REAL feeling and emotions here. What the n00bs need to get, and get from the start is they can’t just walk into the middle of this and start fucking around however they want and not make waves. The best advice i would give to anyone actually aiming for RegDom is to sit back and watch for a bit… see how things work before jumping in and inadvertently pissing someone off… Cos that Someone feels like they have every right to be pissed off, and (I reckon) actually DOES cos get fucked if spending all the time we do here doesn’t count for something…

    I would also like to add that a couple of times I have PMed new people to advise that they may be pissing off some people with their behaviour and to maybe chill… and yes, asked NICELY. I was once told to basically fuck off and the other one turned into some personal vendetta against me for being a judgemental bitch for having the gall to say anything… so you know… n00bs are fuckwits til proven otherwise and can earn any respect they get from me. And that is my default position come to after two years of hanging in this room.

    I suggest a n00b Challenge… Gee, I’d even be happy to help write it up. But as it stands I am not in any way ashamed of any of my behaviour in the room, not even the stuff that had me arguing in PM with a Mod about whether I was flaming or not. Thusly, I am not accepting the challenge on the grounds that 1) I don’t need to 2) I fully trust the Moderator’s to keep me in check if they do deem me to be out of line and 3) I in turn challenge the n00bs to take some time to learn the room and the personalities and relationships involved before jumping right in and telling everyone how fucking good you are.

    Many of the older regs Ive discussed this issue with share a similar experience to me with being new. We were quiet. We watched. We listened. We only spoke when we had something worthwhile to say. And why? Cos the Regs were fuckin scary… specially the girls. And naming no names but these are women Ive grown to love and respect. And I think, they me. Cos I (yes me MisKnickers of the Caliope) was quiet and patient and took my time so as to not piss people off and respect the established ‘society’ the room contains. And yeah, 90% of the punters don’t get that, but how many of them are concerned about being ‘Reg’…?

    Anyhoo… I have no excuse for my possible incoherence… No Nyquil, no interuptions… Just an urge to spew forth these words as has been my intention for the past several weeks… I got plenty more, but might wait and see what I need to say before bangin on anymore…

    lick ya later…


    1. Hey Cali, thank you so much for writing your thoughts about this, I am really glad that you at least read the thoughts here, and have taken a chance to think about things before writing in.

      You certainly do not have to accept the challenge. I knew when I wrote it that many people would not accept, and I actually expected many people to challenge the challenge by acting out more just to push the boundaries. I have seen that in some regards, but have been pleasantly surprised that so many have taken the time to consider other ways to see things, and I have been very impressed that so many are often taking a different approach with some of the newer and annoying users. If you do not accept the challenge, I do not blame you, or hold it against, you have done what I think is the most important part of it, you have read it, and considered it – and I think that goes a long way.

      The point of the challenge is not to change the rules, or to hold a double standard, or to hold the regs to a higher standard. Sure I think it would be great if the regs here did act better than the total noobs, but it is not required. The only main change is really letting everyone know that continual flaming and arguing is not going to be tolerated from the regs any more than it is the noobs. No longer will I allow the moderators to kick a new user who has been brought into a defensive argument by one of the smart ass regs (no, I am calling all the regs smart asses, but we do have some quipy people who like to add drama to some situations that are easily ignored). It’s not that regs can now be kicked for not blocking / iggying someone, it is that regs will be frozen, kicked, or banned just like the other users for continuing to fan the flames of an argument.

      Look, I would love for everyone to engage all the other users with love and respect, that would be great, but it’s not a rule. I’d love it that if someone does not like what someone else is saying, then use the block – but it’s not a rule. I really do not mind if a user really takes offensive or a different view of something, to make ONE statement – something like “I [screenname] comepletely disagree with what you are saying, I find it offensive and I think you are an ignorant person for saying blah blah” – Heck, even ONE statement saying “I think that [screenname] is an idiot who has no brains and is a fucktard – and that’s my story, I’m sticking to it” – or whatever. Making one statement about not liking something someone has said is one thing. What we can not tolerate is the ongoing non-stop picking on people and going back and forth with insults or whatever. It’s simply not productive – sure it may make the writer feel better about getting things off their chest, but it is most likely not going to change the other idiot who probably deserved it – it just makes them defensive and want to attack back with harsher insults. The back and forth picking on people and the ganging up on people that happens sometimes, well there is no place for it in the lobby.

      As mentioned in one of the earlier comments I think, if you really want to argue with someone, or tell a group pf people your opinion in a way that is a total insult fest, then create a room for it, and offer to “take it outside” – the bouncers in the lobby are not going to have any fighting in there – but if you want to take it to a user created room, by all means, go for it – but if users do that, then don’t come crying to the mods to kick someone who is threatening or something. I hate to see a group mob mentality ensue where one person feels the need to be mean to an ignorant person, then another feels the need to chime in with insults, then a few more poke and prod – all of that spirals out of control, the ignorant person gets defensive and come back threatening, breaking a rule, and then users ask for a kick or ban – that is ridiculous.

      If you really want to tell the whole room that you disagree, or you think someone is a fucktard, then do it once, let that be your statement, and then ignore / block – or not – just don’t start going back and forth and back and forth with some asshole – it’s not what we want in the lobby.

      What you are describing here – “always have referred to them as ‘PM-er’ so as to NOT publicly humiliate them by name.” – is certainly one way of handling things. That sounds to me like it is probably not starting an ongoing argument in the lobby, and not so much what the reg challenge was really about. You also seem aware that your comedy may be hit or miss, and that it might teach someone something, but it could backfire and cause them to pm more crazy shit. It sounds to be like you are comfortable handling your own drama if you create it, and are not the person who creates drama then comes asking mods to clean it up for you. I guess if you are aware of the issues of public humiliation and how harsh that is, and are purposely keeping it from being that, then you are right, that is your right. I have not see you pulling other regs into ganging up on a pmer, and you are well aware of the existence and how to use the block button – so I guess that’s on you how you choose to handle it.

      I do really appreciate your views on how many noobs will often change after some time, and get to know how many of the previously created bonds work and stuff. It is a bit enlightening to have others who spend more time and me in the room to put it into words like that. It sounds like you could offer some great advice in my upcoming post for “How to score better in the chat room” (and how not to be seen as a total idiot) – originally that was just going to be a basic video, but I think the community of users here could add so much to it, that it is going to be a blog page, with comments, and a couple of videos – kind of a how to think for the newer users. I would (And I bet other new user certainly would) appreciate you putting some things like that into words when that gets up and going.

      I can appreciate your default position on the issue of the newbs are normally considered idiots until proven otherwise – especially since you are a female user on the site. I certainly see a different side of things having a male name, and often having the mod status tends to change the way the users interact with me, or in the room in general. I have been in similar situations many times, even with the mod status – trying to be nice and offering to help coddle along some moron into playing nice, trying to help them out – and getting the “Fuck offs” and crap. Unfortunately I feel that as a moderator, I have to kind of brush that stuff off to the side, and continue to educate them in a nice way – letting them know that being mean to a mod is against the rules as well, yada yada. As a regular user, you certainly have other options, including telling them off or just hitting the block button. I sometimes want to go into regular user mode, and tell people how I really feel, what I really think, and block a bunch of idiots I can’t stand to see typing. The regular users definitely have a better time in the chat rooms than the mods do normally, I assure you.

      I do agree that we need a noob challenge, and it is a project that I mentioned a couple paragraphs ago – the “How to” page, and your offer to help write it is GREATLY appreciated.

      I also really appreciate you mentioning your experience with being new, and how it was in some ways scary seeing the regs. It blows me away to see some of the regs question why some of the noobs accusingly call people cliquish and stuff. It is like cliques, and a very powerful and sometimes scary one(s) at that.

      As far as spewing words here, certainly in the bog comments, blog pages, emails and forums, there is no need to worry. Feel free to let it all out, I can handle all the criticism in the world, and no one is going to get banned for being honest here, or held in any kind of contempt for venting or being honest about their feelings in the discussions outside of the main chat rooms. I look forward to continuing this conversation and making the place better and better for all.

  10. It seems like there should be a list of the ways the chat room are used.

    New people can be sent to this list. And they can get an idea of how people use the chat rooms.

    And there should be blog entries for common things. If someone posts in all-caps, others can send a link why that’s a violation of the norms.

  11. Hi all,

    Nash, I think since you have posted this things have got a little better in the site, however it could be better, but it is nice to see people make more effort in greeting and welcoming people.

    I remember when I first entered Sexchat island, just over a year ago and how fast the room scrolled by, so for new users it is a experience, and it does take time to fit in, we all have to start somewhere, and I bet 99.9 % of people first enter looking for the same thing.

    Friendships are built here over time but a opening arm should be shown to newcomers and I promised I will when I can to welcome and greet.

    Touching slightly on OSD’s post, I always welcome users if they inform me if a person has stated they are underage in the open room, cause none of us mods are perfect, and it’s impossible to see everything, and I can scroll up and see for myself, same with polite room change suggestions, it’s good some reg’s are helping, however I agree 100% on the warning part, a polite suggestion on a rule is one thing, telling a mod to kick someone is something else. I always welcome pm’s from users as I think all mods should.

    So in finishing I think this has been needed and I hope when flame wars start up everyone takes a pause and thinks for a second, I know in th past I have defended friends when I should have blocked, it’s human nature to want to protect and it’s a first instant.

    So a big thanks for everyone helping to change:).


  12. Nash, concerning the reg challenge I think it should be noted that the challenge is NOT (warned myself about caps) authorization to act like a mod…ie: I do not think it s a regs place to issue a warning to a new user about flooding, c2c, or suggesting they go to another room, that is the mod’s responsibilty. It could be very confusing to a newbie if he/she is “warned” by a user, then warned by a mod and perhaps eventualy kicked. I think it’s great for a regs to greet and welcome a new user when the enter chat, and perhaps “coach” them concerning ruels and etiquette. But it’s the mod’s responsibility to warn, not a reg’s. An incident of this type occurred Thursday night (06/16) where a reg was using warning terminolgy and even posted in open chat that I should kick someone for flooding.

    1. Interesting. I think it is cool that some of the users here are offering to help new people learn the etiquette and rules, but I agree, that using the same type of warning system that the mods use, especially the terms that Tex uses, could certainly cause some confusion and strife which could easily get out of hand. I also really do not want the users to post stuff open in the lobby telling the mods what they should do, or how they should do it.

      There are times when that can totally backfire and make everyone look bad. For example, I had to run to help one of the dogs the other day and left myself logged into the chat room, still in red mod mode. If people had been making statements about the rules and a user got way out of hand, then there would not be a way to kick them or have them kicked, as I was away from the computer for over a half hour and forgot about being logged in.

      We also do not want stern rule telling from the users, as that is another way to get a flame ware started. I think a suggestion about some rules or etiquette can worded in a way that makes them feel like they are being helped on how to score better in the room or something is one thing, but stern or curt warnings from the regs may backfire at times, and we really don’t wanna do that.

      A pm to a mod to suggest a kick for flooding is one thing.. telling a mod what to do in the open room is another. You never know if the mod is even watching at the time (and a pm might help with that) – and you might not know if a mod is already warning a user through pms already. So I guess we should say that pming a mod with a suggestion or a tip is cool – but asking or telling a mod what to do or how to do it is kind of out of bounds.
      If a user has a real problem with how a mod is doing things, we have a mod complaints page set up for that kind of thing. There are also ways to contact the site admin directly about issues and how things are handled – all on the mod complaints page.

      I could certainly see users suggesting other rooms (and how to find the other rooms button) being a good thing, as long as it is done in a polite fashion, not a mean “you better go there or else” kinda thing. Maybe we need a list of things that users could say that would help guide the noobs if they want to use some standardized things.. we just started getting that together on the mods fairly recently. I certainly appreciate the users that want to help, we just need make sure that it does not undermine what the mods are already doing, and no undermine the courtesy that we are trying to show to everyone as regs.

      1. I totally agree with OSD, I hate when i warn someone as another mod is and try hard not to do it,, which is why i spend as much time as i can in other rooms if there is a mod in the lobby, but then when others users pop up and add the same lines 3 more times to the same person, it’s really unnecessary. There is a difference between ” hey dude careful asking for cam there’s a ton of scammers in here” and ” so&so don not ask for cam here it’s against the rules” when it comes from another user, even if a mod isn’t in the room.

  13. Nash, I very much like the idea of welcoming new chatters and giving them a chance to learn the etiquette. There are definitely strong cliques in chat, as well as cultural and racial bias. I’m sure this will never stop, but it’s the biased or cliquish person’s loss. Often, if you actually talk to the non-regs, they turn out to be intelligent, engaging people, and sometimes extremely attractive.

    This being said, giving non-regs a chance does NOT mean we have to tolerate harassing/stalker like behavior.Non-regs should be held to the same behavior standards as regs. Sometimes it takes a bit off a wake-up call to get someone to stop the harassment. In those cases, a warning, a freeze, or even a brief kick may make the point.

    1. agreed. If someone is being a harassing idiot, then the block feature takes care of 99% of them. In the rare case that someone logs out and comes back under a different name to further stalk and harass, then they are in violation of our terms of service and would be banned. The same goes for regs and for noobs, so the standard is now the same, as to where before it seemed to be tipped in the direction of the regs, now it is even. This challenge is not to say that noobs will never be kicked, but it is saying that regs are not immune to the rules just because they are familiar or have friends here. I believe given some time that this will all balance out, and we will all have a much better time enjoying the chat room.

  14. One thing you mentioned that I’ve noticed since coming back the past few months is the practice of responding to PMs out in public. PMing without asking first can be rude depending on the subject, but while we consider it so, many first timers don’t know. I’d suggest instead responding via PM and explaining that it’s considered rude, and no thank you. It avoids the public humiliation you mentioned. And while it’s just a chat room online, I agree that any place with 90 people all watching can certainly be considered public. Worst case, we should just ignore the PMs.

    I’d also love to see a higher emphasis on the Block feature. Ignoring is 100 times more effective than flaming back, and we seem to have a number of regs currently who prefer attacking back in any situation. I don’t know how you could emphasis it more, since every time you pop in you end up having to mention it, and people still don’t listen.

    Another thing that would be nice is providing a welcome for new users. I know Mods can check IP addresses, though I don’t know how difficult that is. Could a script be made so that first time users appeared a different color to Mods? I feel like if a person coming in for the first time was engaged and welcomed, it would help bring them into the fold more quickly. It could even serve as a way to give a quick pointer at the etiquette rules at the same time, preemptively.

    1. I have started to switch to responding to practically all pm’s and most of the time a simple ” no thank you” or ” I’m not interested at the moment thanx” works wonders.

  15. hi Nash, i am an old fashioned gent at heart and hate seeing abuse or attacks on ladies, that said, i have just come back to the room because even after a very short break i realise its an important part of my life and if i cant learn to use iggy with as much care as i have for those i wish to protect then i should not be here.
    i accept the challenge, and will do my best to welcome new users as i was once welcomed myself, it wont be easy especially with the high percentage of idiots that the site seems to attract but i will do my best.
    i still believe what i said in my previous posts to you is right but i am flexible enough to try the new way.
    here’s hoping for success to everyone…….cheers

    1. Thanks Skip, and I am glad you are back. I myself have a hard time with these things as well. There have been many times when I almost clicked that kick / ban button and had to think how I asked others to refrain and I need to continue to do that myself. It is really hard to apply the slippery slope mentality to those of these total idiots that arrive, but alas, in the name of free speech and kinky sex I think it’s ultimately the right thing to do.

      There was a time when I hated certain groups and never understood how girls could put up with some types of guys, but later in life realized that there are girls who search out certain types of people, and they certainly should not be denied that right. Sure it may not be the way that I personally think it should be, but I should not be taking that right away from others who have the choices to make on their own. When I choose to enjoy free speech and tout those the defend it, I am also choosing to defend some people’s choices of speech that I really do not agree with, and that is a bitter pill to swallow at times.

      I have also learned in my later years here, that for every girl that hates a word like cunt especially if used in a sentence with you are stupid, that there are actually girls (and guys) out there who sometimes enjoy some abusive sounding role play, and as adults should have that option to engage in those types of fantasies. Fantasies around raape and forced sex are also very controversial, as some people take major issue and some people really enjoy the fantasy of it. Same with other touchy subjects as well.

      There was a night one time when my partner came into the chat room and mis-read a controversial statement, and kicked a user, who come to find out was a reg, and he got a lot of flack about it, and then got lots of insults from others, and started to kick everyone who was being rude, which after a few short minutes actually left very few people in the chat room. I imagine this could happen quickly at any time to anyone as well. It actually caused an all out riot and sit out of the regs and other users, and was quite the mess to figure out. So taking that route has been a bad thing to.
      It kind of reminds me of this one night at a strip club. *edited / cut out for now*

      Often times we only see part of the interaction in the chat rooms, and we do not see that someone may be trying to whisper something only to be publicly humiliated and chastised by a female name, which often brings a knee jerk reaction from the newbie, which then brings the onslaught of guy (and girl) regs coming to the rescue to further beat up the guys verbally in the room. Now don’t get me wrong, I am sure that some people might deserve it, but what about the ones that don’t.

      Dang the world will be a better place when we can all just get along, and some of the girls in the chat room are easier to get along with than others. From what I have seen lately, we tend to have a few girls who enjoy calling out people who pm and whisper them, even though the person who is whispering to them, although annoying, may not know that they are being annoying, or doing anything that is unwanted. It really kind of ticks me off that we have had a couple of girls lately try to make bad guys out of people who are merely trying to offer conversation that they think is being encouraged by being in the chat room.
      So I am really looking forward to at least a few of the users here changing the way we treat the newbs, and educating them that perhaps just because a girl is in the sex chat room, does not mean she is actively looking for people to hit on her and offer sexual favors via pm. Even though it could be argued that a girl being a regular in the room, and knowing how to use the features such as auto-ignore pms is really asking for it – oh boy, that’s a whole ‘nother post and tangent – anyways. I truly believe that a majority of people who do random pms and whispers do not know that what they are doing is considered annoying by some and abusive by others.

      Our regs have the knowledge and power of tools such as ignore pms settings, block individual users, and the ability to educate other new users rather than berate them. Some of the newer users may very know and have been told (although with some of them having English as a second language do they really understand what they are being told?) that certain things are seen as rude and not proper, but I really think mos of them are just horny and ignorant. we can push them to become defensive or we can educate them, taking the route of “Hey, look at this another way, and if you really want to score with a majority of women here, then there are some better methods” – of course I do not expect all the guys and girls here to take the time, but at least we can stop ourselves from abusing and bashing people when really all of the power is already in our hands to stop it all without a word in the first place.
      (consider posting more details, and wonders if this makes sense now that I cut out the crazy strip club fight story, hmm.. thinks I get too long winded sometimes)

      Anyhow, thanks for having the maturity to try things a little differently and holding back the smart comments a bit. I am truly looking forward to things being more friendly around here. I know it may take some time to get the point that some of the girls do not come out mean to the pmers. Really hope that people will take things a step further than the current challenge and turn off pms in the settings if they are looking to pm with someone. I think that will fix 99% of the issues that we are encountering. It’s pretty easy to turn pms back on when a friend is requested to pm. Those regs who know they can turn off pms, yet are constantly all night long making quip statements to berate those who pm them, well – it’s not necessary – easy to fix.

  16. I am in total agreement with this cuz bein a reg in this room for a few years now i think that WE ALL tend to be a little bit hostile to people who are new to our chat room and with this challenge hopefully we will be able to challenge ourselves to be more welcoming to newbies entering our chat room and ensuring that we all have fun and dont waste time attacking one another and so on cuz its just not worth it. My recommendation is to kinda ignore those who harass us and those we care about in that room, that way ourselves and the new people can enjoy themselves without much conflict (that is until a mod comes) =)

  17. Nash, I truely believe this is needed. Being a newbie several months back gave me first hand experience to the attacks and flame fanning that occurs in the lobby. Recently it has become so intense I have not wanted to be in the room. Newbies have a tough time becoming part of the chat without being attacked and we do have to be aware of cultural differences. However, I have only one comment, that the instigators (those who come to lobby just to curse or push buttons to all chat members), newbies or not, (because some of them just log in with a different name) need to to be kicked from the room just as a reg would be for fanning the flames. It serves as consequence for both of the parties involved. Choosing one over the other just sets one up to believe they were the right and I have seen them return just to do the same thing again or just move on to the next person.
    Thanks and good luck

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read this rant, and and I am especially thankful that you took the time to comment about it! I am so glad that you have looked into the past and seen the hurdles a new user faces here, and you agree that the fighting has gotten ridiculous, and things need to change.

      Your point about kicking the non-stop button pushers who re-login under different names is a good one. I would say that those users should be kicked and banned, because they would at that point have most likely broken other rules. I kicked one of the regs not just for fanning the flames, but for not heeding several pleas to iggy, and then not heading being told to drop it. So it is not a policy to just kick a reg as soon as they say something mean, it’s more of a kick if an ongoing argument continues. I am challenging and asking the regs to reconsider the meanness and public humiliation, but it’s not meaning to be a new rule that the first time a reg disagrees with someone they are kicked. Certainly our freedom of speech extends to being able to disagree, and perhaps even tell someone that they are being an idiot. I’d prefer we did not go that route, but stating one’s opinion once is one thing – continuing on on-going drama is another.

      So yes, I am assuming that if some button pusher came in and would not just let some go, not just agree to disagree and move on, then they too would be kicked. Not right away on the first statement, but certainly after a few and after being warned. This is not an attempt to tip the scales saying that the regs are going to be treated with any less mod constraint, but it is a warning that the regs will not be given more. Or something like that.

  18. fun and games

    i promise to continue top do my best to have rational discussions, and not escalate problems whenever i can! i do NOT want to go back to the old days of mob mentality that we sometimes had in here, we CAN all get along, especially with the help of our friend iggy, (when all else fails)! thank you for this thoughful post, i hope all are up for the challenge!!

  19. Nash, I agree with this, and in my personal opinion, it’s been needed for some time. I truly hope it works out as we need it to.

  20. Ms.Interrupted

    Hey Steve, thanks so much for giving us this challenge. I love the suggestions and take them on board as both a reg and a mod. I’ve been on s/chat now for just 7 months, and my memory of being a new user is still pretty fresh …… it’s pretty overwhelming, and there are some pretty strong relationships formed there that have strengthened over years. It felt difficult to engage and “fit in” for some time ….. so yes I think we all need to remember that everyone has to start somewhere, and give newer users a chance and welcome them. You know I love s/chat, it’s become a very big part of my life, and I certainly don’t want it to be stressful on there. So yes, I accept the challenge and hope I can personally encourage others to as well. And sorry to hear about your rough night, it’s a pretty cool post seeing as you wrote it under those circumstances. MI

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